Ain't Got No Jobs

The economy is bad for everyone these days, but no one has it more ironically bad than money-grubbing law students with average grades who thought we were golden because we got into a decent law school and passed Torts.  By our third year, we were supposed to be overwhelmed with Big Law job offers, 100k starting salaries, open-tab happy hours, and the warm, safe, vaguely-sexist comfort of membership in the greatest Good Ol' Boys Club in the world: The Georgia Bar. 

But that hasn't happened. Law students everywhere who, two years ago, had every reason to expect a big desk and a parking spot and their own secretary can't even get an interview with a non-profit.  And as graduation approaches and 70% of us are unemployed (SEVENTY!), our law schools are starting to freak out, too.  The fewer employed graduates, the lower the schools drop in the rankings.  In fact, UGA was just featured on "Above the Law" because our Dean is begging alums to hire us.  Dean White's appeal was primarily notable because it seems like the first helpful job-getting gesture the law school has attempted on our behalf.  General economic conditions may be to blame, but our perception is definitely that our career office hasn't done us any favors. 

In frustration and response, a classmate of mine authored this sad, hilarious cover letter.  I omitted his name in case of future Senate Confirmation Hearings, but I thought you guys might get a kick out of it. I don't think it's too inside-jokey for even my non-law school readers to enjoy, too. 

 

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Brad
AUTHOR
March 25, 2010 at 3:16 PM delete

Jobs? We don't need no stinkin' jobs!

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Anonymous
AUTHOR
April 7, 2010 at 12:38 PM delete

This cover letter is pretty darn good, but this applicant will not get the job because s/he failed to address his or her experience with the primary task of an LCS director - playing minesweeper.

Applicants must be able to play at least 5 hours per day, and must be able to minimize their minesweeper window within 20 seconds of someone entering their office. Applicants should also demonstrate an ability to give BS answers to any questions posed and then pick up their minesweeper game as seamlessly as if it had never been interrupted.

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