See You Next Tuesday (Bishop Eddie Long)

In an effort to have a more regular posting schedule on the blog, and to give it some structure, I've decided to start at least one regular themed column.  What subject matter has no shortage of new material?  People who are idiots and scumbags.  So I thought it would be fun to provide the loser link of the week, and my boyfriend suggested the genius name "See You Next Tuesday" to introduce it.  (If you don't know why this is genius, ask your nearest 8th grader.) 

So, today is your first See You Next Tuesday post, which, fittingly, will premiere on Tuesdays.  And to start I thought I'd go for a cheap shot at a guy who's made a lot of news lately:

Bishop Eddie Long


This Baptist "Bishop" has been accused by four men of sexually abusing them when they were young boys.  (And to think, people used to say his self-appointed "Bishop" title was ill-fitting. Zing!)  Now, we all know that being "accused" doesn't necessarily make you guilty (in the South, we call that getting "Richard Jewelled"), but B.E. Long is an attractive villain.  First, he's the leader of a 22,000 member mega-church that functions more like a corporation than a congregation.  Second, he's extravagant – he lives in a million dollar home, drives a Bentley, hangs out with T.I., and owns a series of alive-looking hair pieces. 

And third, Long is a long-time outspoken anti-homosexual.  He led a high profile anti-gay march through the Atlanta streets in an effort to "get back into the [bigoted, gay-bashing] conversation of the nation."  This is the clincher – we (myself personally and the media generally) love a good solid homosexual hypocrite, even when they do unfairly link homosexuality to perversion and pedophilia.  And now we've got the Black Ted Haggard.  Jackpot!

If you want to hear a serious, thought-provoking, religion-and-race focused discussion of Long's predicament, read this article over at Slate by one of my favorite, favorite writers, Christopher Hitchens.

If you want to hear a bunch of jokes about Long, stay right here.  First, there's the fact that Long "allegedly sent his accusers numerous photos of himself including at least several of him wearing spandex and workout clothes." 

Hot. He's totally ready for MySpace with this pic.
Second, there's the fact that every single detail of his story (see any of the above links) is straight out of The Onion.  The lawyer for the Plaintiffs is named BJ Bernstein.  The celibacy training group for young boys run by the Bishop is called "Long Fellows Youth Academy."  And the Wall Street Journal quoted a proud parishioner, defender of the Bishop, and parent of a Long Fellow teen as saying, "There are areas where boys can relate to men. Bishop Long filled a lot of voids."


But the very best joke I heard came from Long's wishy-washy denial speech where he claimed, "I feel like David against Goliath. But I got five rocks, and I haven't thrown one yet. " (No comment on how the guru of an international mega-church is the "David" in this situation.)  The website one line headline summarized the story this way: 
The preacher, accused of sexual misconduct with men, identified with David. Ironically, David and Goliath is this story of a young man getting his rocks off on another man.  
 That's all folks! See you next Tuesday!
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3 comments

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September 28, 2010 at 9:33 AM delete

He reminds me of the late Canaan Banana (no relation).

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steve B
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September 28, 2010 at 6:53 PM delete

I think I've seen this guy in a Colt 45 ad before

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