See You Next Tuesday (Dinosaurs)

See You Next Tuesday is the Boomstick's first regular themed column. See previous editions here and here.

You know what's really lame? When someone stomps on your dreams. You know what's really mean? When someone makes you care about them but they don't even exist.  That's why this week's See You Next Tuesday is devoted to the Triceratops, a non-dinosaur that lied to my face and stole my childhood.
 
Triceratops
His MySpace pic was totally photoshopped.
Like everyone else who was awesome, the Triceratops was totally my favorite dinosaur.  It looked like a Rhinoceros mated with an alligator, complete with three awesome horns.  Triceratops also had a badass "bony frill" that protected his neck from predators and made him look fashionable when Rembrandt painted his portrait.

Triceratops-inspired fashion.
But now it comes out that the Triceratops never really existed.  The Triceratops that we knew and loved was actually just a baby version of a dinosaur that no one has ever heard of, the Torosaurus.  Science-y people talk about it here.

So frankly, it's not all that devastating the Torosaurus looks a whole lot like the Triceratops.  But it doesn't have the prefix "tri" to connote its three awesome horns or the suffix "tops" to connote both where the horns are on its body and where the dino ranks on the list of awesome dinosaurs.  Not to mention it totally screws up The Land Before Time for the next generation.

As if destroying the Triceratops wasn't bad enough, this week scientists dealt yet another death-blow to the coolest creatures ever to walk the Earth.  They found some really old footprints maybe the oldest ever  of a "dinosaur" in Poland.  But this wannabe was a "pipsqueak" of a creature about "the size of a domestic cat."  And the only artist rendering we have looks like one of the paleontologists' kids drew it on a day he forgot his Adderall:

Polish Catosaurus.

So, folks, now we have the Polish Housecat-osaurus instead of the Triceratops. And that, my friends, is a See You Next Tuesday move.
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5 comments

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October 19, 2010 at 8:27 AM delete

Are there no horny beasts of today that excite your admiration?

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Brad
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October 19, 2010 at 8:54 AM delete

Don't worry, T-Rex's are keeping up dinosaurs' street cred. Turns out, T-Rex "dabbled into" cannibalism in its youth. This just means TLBT got that much better. I always liked Sharptooth better than that conceited Cera anyway.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/10/16/tyrannosaurus.cannibalism/index.html

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Alison Lee
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October 26, 2010 at 7:56 PM delete

Actually, the saddest thing I learned while researching this post (I know it's shocking I "research" dinosaur jokes) was that the Brontosaurus never existed either. There's something that looks close to the Bronto called an Apatosaurus (they put the wrong head on it and called it a Bronto).

But the kicker is, scientists have known about this since the 1970s!

http://www.wisegeek.com/was-the-brontosaurus-a-real-dinosaur.htm

So if people have known about this, what's up with Jurassic Park lying to our faces? Michael Crichton couldn't read a damn science book before he wrote one?

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Anonymous
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October 28, 2010 at 11:02 AM delete

The best dinosaur:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vSY_rB928c

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Alison Lee
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October 29, 2010 at 11:02 AM delete

Dear Anonymous: I just got a chance to watch that video. Amazing and hilarious, everyone should check it out. I, for one, can't stop imagining a T-Rex trying to open a fruit cup.

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