See You Next Tuesday (Hanging Chad)

See You Next Tuesday is the Boomstick's first regular weekly column. Each Tuesday, I bring you the week's most laughable scumbags, idiots, and jerks for your reading and reviling pleasure. See previous editions here.

This week's See You Next Tuesday is being alternately titled, "The New Hanging Chad."  Joe Miller, the Republican Senate candidate from Alaska, is back for his second appearance in a See You Next Tuesday.  In June, Miller won the Republican primary over incumbent Lisa Murkowski.  Not one to understand the democratic process give up easily, Murkowski launched a vigorous write-in campaign for the Senate seat.  At first, she was laughed at (by me), but as election day drew to a close, it appeared write-in votes for Ms. Murkowski were significant enough to post a Florida-style vote-counting conundrum.

The problem is that Ms. Murkowski's name is difficult to spell. Miller's campaign is challenging mispelled write-in votes, ones that read "Nurkowski," "Murkoski," "Murkewski," "Mirkowski" and "Merkowski."  Because write-ins represented 40.2% of the votes cast, but Miller only earned 35.3%, this election legitimately may come down to spelling.  And that's why today's See You Next Tuesdays are Polish last names.

If Murkowski had an easy, simple name, this never would've been a problem.  If the roles were reversed, for example, it's unlikely that a number of votes for "Miler" and "Mellir" and "Millere" would be clogging up the system.  But Murkowski?  Vague short vowel sounds spliced by crazy consonants?  Her name is worth a whopping 22 points in Scrabble!  No wonder people are still counting!

So, the latest word on the ballot count is that, like our favorite Florida electorate, this dispute may be resolved by an Alaska court, not a polite resignation by either candidate. Apparently today's most recent vote totals put Murkowski solidly in the lead.  Frankly, I don't know who should be more upset – Joe Miller, the legitimate Republican nominee who would've won in a landslide but for Murkowski's sore-loser campaign; or Murkowski, who earned a majority of votes despite her name not actually being on the ballot, but may be denied a rightful Senate seat because her supporters can't spell her ridiculous name.

One thing's for sure – throughout this whole article I never got to use a great pun I came up with, so here it is: I guess Murkowski is really putting the "poll" in "Polish!" See You Next Tuesday!
Previous
Next Post »

3 comments

Write comments
Emily
AUTHOR
November 16, 2010 at 9:47 AM delete

A totally weird misspelling: http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2010/11/this_is_not_a_murkowski_misspe.html

Reply
avatar
Alison Lee
AUTHOR
November 16, 2010 at 9:55 AM delete

That's such a bad misspelling. "Bîté mé" is obviously French, not Polish.

Reply
avatar
Fashion By He
AUTHOR
November 16, 2010 at 10:56 AM delete

cool blog

come follow the first ever fashion blog from a Guys POV, let He know what you think

Fashion by He

Reply
avatar

© 2015 by Alison

All of the writing on this site, unless otherwise indicated, is original and is exclusively the property of Alison. Most of the images on this site, however, are not owned by Alison. They are largely a product of a Google Image Search and intended to make viewing this site less boring. If any of the images used on this site belong to you and you would like a credit or removal, please contact me at alisonsboomstick@gmail.com.