WTF Wednesday's For Your Colon

Previously on a See You Next Tuesday, I (lovingly) made fun of a Hip Hop camp advertised as a deal on Living Social.  Well, my friend Brad (whom regular readers may know from his sardonic comments on this blog), just sent me a Groupon worthy of similar treatment.  Unfortunately, it just missed this week's See You Next Tuesday, but it really couldn't wait until next week. So, I'm going to post it as its own feature called "WTF Wednesday" and no one will have to miss out on this extremely important information:


"Like a cat atop a fence at midnight, yowling toxins and excess waste tend to loiter until someone blasts them away with a hose.  Brook no obnoxious bacteria with today's Groupon to Sacred Waters Wellness Arts Studio in Fayetteville..."
This time, I didn't even bring you the entire deal. I just took a screen shot of what was visible from my inbox because that was enough.  I don't even have a joke about the content of the description -- it's res ipsa loquitor ridiculous.

BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!!!!!!
But that's not all, oh no.  While reading this ridiculous description, I got past the howling cats and the "toxins" ("poop") and the "excess waste" (they mean "poop") and the part about "blasts them away with a hose" (that's literal), only to see a curious use of the word "brook."  "Brook no obnoxious bacteria," they say.  I, for one, wasn't familiar with usage of the word "brook" as a verb, but it sounded very Middle English, like maybe something William Wallace would have said to his troops.  "Brook you no Anglish, men, lift up yer kilts!" Right?

I wanted to make a joke about this new age-y place for colon hydrotherapy (I mean "water poop") using this Middle English word, so I googled "brook verb origins."  Eventually I would come to learn that "brook" is an archaic and rarely used term for "tolerate" or "put up with," but the very first thing I found was:

...

...

WHAT THE DAMN HELL SHIT, DICTIONARY??  In the sentence, "I could hear the sound of a babbling brook," BROOK IS NOT A VERB!  BROOK IS A NOUN!  YOUR DEFINITION OF "A SMALL STREAM" DESCRIBES A NOUN.  YOU ARE A DICTIONARY.  WTF, WEDNESDAY??!?!?

So, thank you for that, internet.  Now I know that at least 45 people in the Atlanta area got a discount on hosing our their colon today, and that I cannot trust dictionaries to know rudimentary parts of speech.  Your utter ridiculousness and inanity just made me write a See You Next Tuesday on a Wednesday, which is sad and wrong.  But I won't brook idiots, internet, I won't brook them.
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5 comments

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Preston
AUTHOR
July 28, 2011 at 1:14 AM delete

Your mom's a dictionary.

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Alison"s Mom
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July 28, 2011 at 12:39 PM delete

Glad to see Preston is still in 3rd grade.

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Alison
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July 28, 2011 at 1:05 PM delete

Oh my God, Preston. That was my actual mom commenting. Ya burnt!

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Preston
AUTHOR
July 28, 2011 at 2:36 PM delete

That's absurd. Dictionaries can't type.

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Blake
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September 29, 2011 at 11:34 PM delete

I know it was a type-o more than an actual misinterpretation of meaning, but I think it's ironic that, in ripping on a dictionary for not knowing parts of speech, at one point you use a pronoun where only a preposition would have made sense.

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