May Explain Charlie Sheen, Too.

I don't usually share personal anecdotes on this blog (reserving it instead for niche pop-culture references and misguided complaints about how not famous I am), but something happened to me last night that I felt I should share with all of you. Also, this story is a great excuse to make it look like I work out a lot.

I wrote this email to a very close friend of mine who adores the show Two and a Half Men. I've added a few footnotes to help those of you readers who don't know me personally to better understand me.

How can you watch a show with a promo like this?
Dear [Friend],
Last night I was at the gym(1), and I noticed the guy next to me on the elliptical was watching Two and a Half Men on the TV(2).  Shortly after I arrived, he got off the elliptical, but continued to stand just behind the machines and watch the remainder of the episode, on mute, with captions. When another episode started, I moved to change the channel, but I caught him out of the corner of my eye. I turned to see him sitting on the exercise equipment, not working out, still watching the gym TV on mute, with rapt attention. I was very confused that anyone would stay in the gym just to watch TV; I started to think I may owe you an apology(3) if Two and a Half Men was riveting enough, even on mute, to lead someone to breach gym etiquette (this guy was sitting on machines people were trying to use) just to watch it.

When I got off the treadmill(4), he was still there, and I was still pondering this situation. Then I watched this guy climb onto one of the seated bench machines...and start pretending it was a racecar.  With my headphones out, I could hear he was even making racecar noises. That's when I suddenly realized: this guy was extremely mentally retarded.

No wonder he watched two episodes of Two and a Half Men. Back to back. That explains everything.

Love you,
  1. Working out hardcore like a hardcore badass.
  2. The TV was in the gym because I was in the gym working out, I just don't know if you heard that part.
  3. For years of abuse, berating, occasional DVR-erasing, and making gag noises every time I walked into the room when you were watching that show.
  4. Like four hours later.

(Another Family Guy Two and a Half Men sketch at the bottom of this post.)
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Write comments
Anna Bedsole
October 2, 2011 at 10:54 PM delete

This is fantastic!

October 6, 2011 at 9:42 AM delete

Since you mentioned DVR erasing, I assume this means you lived with that person, so that narrows the "friends" down a bunch. The DVR is a sacred place, and it is clearly against guest protocol to erase anything on someone else's DVR, even if it is a steaming pile of crap.


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