See You Next Tuesday (SUPER See You Next Tuesday)

See You Next Tuesday is the Boomstick's regular column. On Tuesdays, I bring you the week's most laughable scumbags, idiots, and jerks for your reading and reviling pleasure. If you don't get the name, visit your nearest middle school playground and ask the first kid you see. You can read previous editions here.

It's been a while since I wrote a new See You Next Tuesday,  so to make it up to all of you, I bring you:

SUPER See You Next Tuesday

Today's edition will be a compilation of ridiculous and terrible links that I've gathered over the last few weeks.  Many thanks to the friends from whose Facebooks, Twitters, and Gchats these are stolen, and even more thanks to people of the world for continuing to be mind-bogglingly endless idiots. Without further ado, here we go:

• First, there's this guy who got busted for child porn by the burglars who robbed him.

• Then, there's this motorcyclist who died while protesting helmet laws in New York.  Experts say he would've likely survived the crash if he'd been wearing a helmet. Of course, it's already made 2011's Darwin Awards.

• Next, there's this woman named Traci Nobles who sexted with married ex-Congressman Anthony Weiner and is now cashing in with a book deal.  Kind of predictable, right?  But wait, it gets so much worse: the title of her book is called I Freinded You and the misspelling is intentional.  I'm going to let that sink in for a second.  

Now, what's the most disgusting part of this story? That Anthony Weiner was and is married, that his wife was pregnant during the sexting episode, that Nobles "doesn't regret it," that her last name is mocking us all, that her career is listed as "former cheerleading coach?"  No, it's that due to "overwhelming requests for pre-orders" at least "4 major publishers are interested in taking the book to wider release."  Suck on that, English Lit majors: a book called I Freinded You by an ex-cheerleading coach famous exclusively for sexting a Congressman named "Weiner" has four publishers to accommodate her back orders.  No, no, I totally think you should still finish your book of poems.

Shouldn't the green-skinned be the ones upset about this?

• Here's a great one: schools in the U.K.decided this year to ban students from drawing witches with black hats because it's racist. Since witches are bad, "diversity and equality experts" believe their black, pointy hats entrench racial bias into classrooms at an early age.  Never mind the fact that the U.K. incarnation of the pointy-hatted witch is a Western European (white) invention,  never mind the fact that, much like the Salem witch trials, Europeans prosecuted only whites as witches in the 17th century, never mind that witches have been almost exclusively portrayed by the media as white women...somehow, their black pointy hats are racist. 

But, as See You Next Tuesday selections tend to do, this story only gets more ridiculous.  The schools aren't stopping at witches hats. These same "experts" are challenging the use of white paper in schools.  New guidelines say that schools should provide children with colored paper instead so that they can "unlearn" racial prejudices that are apparently the inevitable result of drawing on white paper.  No word yet on the propriety of using the term "colored" to describe the paper.
 

Um, hello, the White Witch is totally racist against Eskimos.

Now, some of you might say this is political correctness run amok, but I, for one, support these gestures toward a more blended and less racially-conscious society.  In a show of solidarity with these diversity experts, I've decided to bring you the last, best, funniest, most wonderful and entertaining See You Next Tuesday selection entirely on black paper.  Get ready to laugh: 

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