See You Next Tuesday (Kim Jong Il)

Merry Christkwanzakah to everyone: it's a new See You Next Tuesday!

See You Next Tuesday is the Boomstick's regular column. On [some] Tuesdays, I bring you the week's most laughable scumbags, idiots, and jerks for your reading and reviling pleasure [but not lately].  If you don't get the name, visit your nearest middle school playground and ask the first kid you see.  You can read previous editions here. 

Dear See You Next Tuesday fans:  I've been swamped around here this Christmas-moving-traveling-billing-hours-wedding-planning season, and I owe you all an apology for failing to deliver important news and social commentary about the idiots of the world.  Apparently, though, the universe is not content to stand idly by while I neglect to write a See You Next Tuesday week after week, because on Monday of this most stressful holiday week, right before Tuesday, the fates conspired to bring us the absolute most absurd, ridiculous, obnoxious, pathetically sad-'til-its-funny event that could ever have taken place.  This particular happening was more See You Next Tuesday-worthy than a Kardashian divorce, an illegitimate Bieber baby, or a whole clown car full of cracked-out Charlie Sheens.  This is the most perfect, See You Next Tuesday-epitomizing moment ever, perhaps second only to that time Fabio was hit in the face by a goose on a roller coaster (do you guys remember that?).  This is raw, fresh, political, insane, veteran-South-Park-and-SNL fodder, with just enough access to nuclear weapons to make it truly frightening.  This is:

The Preposterous Death of Kim Jong Il From Being Tired on a Train (and the Unstable Response of North Korea)

That's right, infamous lunatic dictator Kim Jong Il has died at age 69 under what The Atlantic Monthly called "preposterous" circumstances: from "exhaustion" on a train ride.  I suppose we'll never know how he really died, but I'm sure if North Korea has textbooks, they'll report how he was summoned by a passing comet to become supreme ruler of the Universe and now lives in a palace drinking Hennessy on the moon.  And guess who's not shipping any moon-cheese back to the starving North Koreans?   This guy:

Blame it on the Henny?
Miserable despot though he was, Kim provided great material for comedy in the West (in sharp contrast to the complete lack of material he provided for his entire nation to make things with. Zing!).  There's probably some sincere analysis to be undertaken about how we, as democratized Westerners, trivialize tyrants as a means of -- what? Undermining them? Distancing ourselves from them? Feeling safer?  In fact, all of the following could be seen as examples of how the West cruelly mocked the plight of starving North Koreans.  But I think the following clips and quips are a better example of how comedy has the power to identify and indict unreasonableness, selfishness, iniquity, irrationality, and general bat-shitty-ness.

So, without further ado, in a fake and insincere tribute, I bring you:

The Top Five Kim Jong Il Pop Culture References of All Time!
5.  Kim Jong Il Looking at Things:  an extremely literal Tumbler site. 

4. "30 Rock's" season five Kim Jong Il cameo.  The "dear leader" -- played by Margaret Cho --  kidnaps Jack Donaghy's news pundit girlfriend and forces her to read disturbingly hilarious news reports.  (Almost as disturbing as the actual news broadcast of his death read by a sobbing reporter.) 

3. Amy Poehler's recurring SNL version of the dictator, which was always amazing but doesn't seem to be available on the internet anywhere.  This will have to satisfy you: 

2. Kim Jong Il himself.  This guy was such an inexplicably bizarre and insane crackpot that his own real life antics are worse than any mockery we could come up with for him (save number one, below).  Visit some of these great blogs for round-ups of just how crazy the Kimmer (do we call him that?) was:  Listverse's Top 10 Crazy Facts; ABC News' different but overlapping Top 10 Crazy FactsGawker's version of the Top 10 Crazy Facts; and ooooh it's 11 Point's ELEVEN Crazy Facts that's one whole extra fact, you guys!

1. And of course, what else could be number one -- greater than even the man himself -- nothing but Kim Jong Il's starring role in Team America: World Police, the Matt Stone and Trey Parker marionette masterpiece of the early 2000s.  Everyone's expecting this one, so just sit back, watch, and rove it ar over again.

If you still want more, The Week has a pop culture round-up with some stuff I missed because I have a real job, okay, you guys, seriously leave me alone. 

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Write comments
December 21, 2011 at 9:40 AM delete

Speaking of stupid idiots, have you seen how many people thought LIL KIM died?:

December 21, 2011 at 9:57 AM delete

But what will 30 Rock do?! Their entire season centered around the North Korean's Ex-Ruling Bell Hop

December 21, 2011 at 8:28 PM delete

Hans Brix finally got his revenge!!


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