Drunk Presidents

I am CONSTANTLY saying that I would really like to focus my blogging more on drunk presidents.

And this is what Putin would wear.
In the last election, it seemed like everyone voting needed to be drunk to vote for president, but neither presidential candidate was anywhere near drunk enough for my liking.  Romney doesn't touch the stuff (and by "stuff" I mean coffee; he also doesn't drink).  And sure, there was that time Obama drank a Bud Light at the Beer Summit, but can't we all agree he wouldn't have fought so hard for re-election if he'd shotgunned it?  The Keg Stand Summit would have been a decisive polling moment for me. (And before you suggest it, The Bear Fight Summit would be too intense for America. That's more how Putin takes on challengers).

So, I haven't been very satisfied by the level of bad-assery surrounding 2012's election.  Luckily, this guy at Face in the Blue came up with something pretty badass to occupy my time, called:

"In a Mass Knife Fight to the Death Between Every American President, Who Would Win and Why?"

It's basically a Hunger Games of presidents, which I'm saying both because it's true and because I'm hoping mentioning Hunger Games will up my page hits.  The blog's author (still lobbying to call that "blauthor;" so far no takers) goes through all 44 presidents and suggests in a fairly general way their fighting strengths, weaknesses, and loosely predicts their probable order of death.  Don't worry, I won't spoil the winner; go see for yourself.  The arguments in the comments will give you hope because so many people are so knowledgeable about past historical figures, and will bum you out because even smart people are assholes on the internet.

Tangetially, you may remember that years ago (years?!?), I wrote about Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.   The Seth Grahame-Smith book was just coming out and I discussed the possible names lining up for a movie deal. Well, the movie  came out without much fanfare, and now it's on DVD, and Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 35% certified "rotten," which is pretty bad.  But, for the cross-over genre of reimagined historical events (think Inglourious Basterds) and campy historical gore (see, um, I don't know, Army of Darkness?!?!?), I rather enjoyed it.  I agree with the criticism that it takes itself too seriously where it should be more ironic and tongue-in-cheek (a la, perhaps, I don't know... Army of Darkness), but I also agree with Salon's Andrew O'Hehir who lauded the director's ability to stage "hilarious, imaginative, almost free-form action sequences like nobody in the business."

It's also worth noting that  Benjamin Walker, who beat out Adrian Brody and other big names for the role of Lincoln, came to the role with a unique bit of experience playing a historical president in a fictional context.   That's right, Walker played the "emo rock star" version of Andrew Jackson, seventh President of the United States both on and off Broadway in the "comedic Wild West rock musical," Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson.  What!?! I cannot make this up, y'all.  (The tagline is: "History Just Got All Sexypants,' and no this is not a joke.)  I suppose it's always a positive to have an actor versed in the genre, especially when the genre is gory, ridiculous, fictionalized versions of actual, nostalgic, historical American Presidents.  I can't, personally, can't wait for Taft: King of the Werewolves.
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December 12, 2012 at 10:11 AM delete

Not bad ass enough for you? http://cdn-images.hollywood.com/site/PaulRyan_620_101112.jpg

-Andrew K

Sam C
December 12, 2012 at 10:42 AM delete

If you get bored waiting for Jackson to win the Presidential Battle Royale ("PBR") go ahead and check out the 50 on 50 Civil War. When it gets turned into a musical the headline song will be called "Secession, yeah!"


December 12, 2012 at 11:26 AM delete

for drunk presidents www.olhardireito.blogspot.com


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